There's so much I have to say... but I don't know where to begin.

First of all, I really need to apologize to my mum. I mean... gawd. sometimes I really take her for granted and I'm so selfish and I hardly ever consider her feelings. which I am so not proud of.

She said it was okay for me to fail my O levels... I mean, I could do it again if I wanted to... or I could just go out and get a job. I dunno. I never really cared for it... for myself. But the way she said it was so sad... I dunno, I feel really guitly. Like I've let everyone down or something.

Anyways, she told me that I can do whatever I want but if I want any help, she and my dad and right behind me. Gawd, I mean. I just don't know why... I'm glad that she cares... but I dunno. When your parents come to the point that they stop pushing you to do stuff and telling you what's right... its just, like suddenly someone switched off the lights and you're all alone and lost.

My mom actually considered not letting me do the Os and wanted me to transfer to an international school, unfortunately, they only accept foreigners which is a real bummer. Anyways, I'll probably end up going to a prep school next year... if things go okay. If things go really well, then I'll go to JC or something.

I've decided that I'll probably just go into there and do my best... not aiming for anything brilliant... just gonna do my best. gonna sign off here now.

Love,
Audrey